Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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