i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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