All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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