clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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