the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
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On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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