I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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