A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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