No stitches, just platelets and will power
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
