Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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