Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
