Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
