There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
