I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have tasted many bathrooms
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
