I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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