I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
