Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
