I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
