I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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