do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
