the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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