I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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