i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
