Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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