just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
