Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
