Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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