we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
