my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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