dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
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If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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