Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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