Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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