The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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