There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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