my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
