I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
