Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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