life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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