ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
