How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
