Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
