just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize