I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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