Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
