how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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