Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No...this little piggys going to the bar
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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