PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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