I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm having to shit out rocks
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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