I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
