On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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