I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
