Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
