i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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