if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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