you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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