it was like his penis was on wheels.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
