Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
