he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
tell me about the eggs
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