Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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