Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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