Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm just crazy horny about you
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
