Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
