Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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