we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
